The Bones of the Story

It is a truth not generally acknowledged that bones for dogs have gone out of style.

For some reason, a bunch of party poopers have convinced dog owners that bones and dogs are not a good mix.

I mean. 

What happier image than that of a dog capering off with a bone between his jaws, looking forward to hours of contented gnawing or the joys of digging and burying said bone.

Not today. At best they hand you a poor imitation made of some sort of hide, or pathetic chew sticks which disappear in an instant.

What rot.

My attendants have sometimes talked about this fascinating topic and incidentally discovered that there are bones and bones. Some bones, for example knee bones, can be okay for dogs to chew on, because they don't splinter.

I have to be grateful to my attendants, because I can tell they truly care. One day they came home from the butcher looking very pleased with themselves. 

When they produced two pieces of knee bone my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I promptly claimed one for myself and went to the door, asking to be let outside so that I could dig and bury it in a suitable location.

Not so my companion Clio. She sat down, held the bone between her front paws and began to gnaw, and gnaw, and gnaw, for so long I thought she'd forgotten how to stop.

That knee bone of Clio's lasted for three days of gnawing sessions, until it became a tiny rough lump and finally disappeared altogether.

My bone, on the other hand, is still buried somewhere in the garden and I have not forgotten where.

That is not to say that I did not try to take over Clio's bone for myself on several occasions. But I was spied by a mean attendant who gave the prize back to Clio and spoke unnecessarily sternly to me. After all, I have my pecking order rights to uphold. It was just me defending those rights. Nothing to do with the fact that Clio had softened the bone and made it much easier to chew on...

Still, a bone in the ground is worth far more than one in the belly and some day I'm going to flaunt it for all it's worth.

Me and the Giant Wild Boars in the Sky

 

KEEPING LE RIPE SAFE

A dog's work is never done. 

By day there is trouble enough keeping the attendants occupied and ensuring they follow the rules: meals at the right time, walks at the right time, tickles and games at the right time and so on and so forth...

By night there is trouble enough keeping the invaders at bay: wild boar, deer, porcupines, foxes, hare, badgers, pine martens, ferrets, squirrels - you name it, my territory is constantly threatened by vermin and parasites. Not to mention the mice, rats, toads, hedgehogs and other small fry.

But the biggest foes of all, and the hardest to control, are the giant wild boars in the sky. They only roll over once in a while, usually when it rains, damn them. But they really drive me crazy. As soon as I hear their rumbling approaching my territory I HAVE to go out to patrol the entire garden and frighten away the intruders.

I run up and down, over and under, round and about for hours and hours. I've heard the attendants say I've been out for 5,6 or 7 hours and I sure am pooped when I finish. Usually I manage to get rid of the giant wild boars in the sky after an hour or so, but sometimes they really wear me out. 

My attendants keep on calling me inside. But what do they think I am? A slacker?!

Argo's Handy Tips for Better Living number 3

 The Essential Stare

Friends! One of a canine's most vital assets, to ensure a happy, doggy life, is your ability to muster up a STARE which is penetrating, pleading, pathetic and persistent, all at the same time.

The essential STARE will take some practice. Your heart has to be in it but you also need technique. And concentration.

Try thinking of the yummiest food or the best game or the longest walk. Concentrate on these positive things and direct your attention on your target's face.

Eye contact is all-important here. The longer you stare IN your target's eyes the less they will be able to resist your magnetic gaze. Cocking your head to one side is also effective because the target finds this cute.

 However drooling can be a negative distraction since targets often react badly to this.

DO NOT lose concentration. Try to outlast the target's gaze.

If the target remains unconvinced, new elements will have to be brought into play. If your target is seated, I find that resting your head on their lap while maintaining the STARE, can be very effective. For some reason this melts the target. 

Tail-wagging is an additional help.

As a last resort, try pawing their arm, leg or any available body surface. Although a risky tactic, since they can react badly if you do it too strongly, it can jolt them into realizing that you truly NEED whatever it is you have your heart set on.

If the result is consistent failure, then something is wrong with your target. Perhaps they're having a bad day. 

So: try again tomorrow!

JUST IN!!

from our English cousins 

(who didn't vote for Brexit so we love them still):

"Dogs need comfort, most agreeably found on a comfy sofa or

 easy chair.  My tactic to capture this prize is simple.  When

 They are not looking stealthily take up position on chair or

 sofa. When approached give Them the death stare.  This

 stare is intense, direct and unblinking.  If sustained it should

 work. If not, emit low grumbles, if pushed further, set lips

 trembling exposing bared teeth.  Threatened in those ways,

 They usually retreat allowing victor to continue cosy,

 untroubled slumber."

Yours forever, Bingo the Springer 

Argo's handy tips for better living number 2

 The Roisty Roll, the optimum back scratch technique

Just back from an exciting walk-pull-sniffathon and feeling hot and dusty?

Coming off guard duty after chasing, barking and generally exhausting yourself to protect your territory?

Simply feeling happy with your lot?

What you need -and deserve- is a good back scratch!

Now, our assistants would be good back-scratchers when they can be bothered, but they are notoriously bad at finding time for this treatment, which ought to serve to demonstrate their affection and their gratitude for all that we do for them. Sidling up to them as they lounge on their sofas in front of the noise-box can achieve results, but their attention-span is short and their lack of dedication disgraceful.

Although opportunism is my second nature, I am also a realist. Self-help is often the best help. 

My go-to solution is The Roisty Roll. This can be achieved outside on long grass or dry leaves; inside on any thick carpet. The technique is simple: fling yourself down on your back, then squirm and wiggle back and forth, legs in air. Keep it up for at least 30 seconds to one minute for optimum results.

When truly successful, The Roisty Roll comprises much twisting, wriggling and a great deal of groaning. 

And loads of satisfaction.

Argo's handy tips for better living number 1.

The world is my table napkin

Just finished breakfast? Mucky, sticky chops?

Here's Argo's guide to how to handle the messiest moment of the day with style!

Remember, the world of your attendants is fully of handy helpers, in this case the sofas, armchairs, cushions and even your own dog bed!

for best results wipe your way all around the sofa

When you've finishing lapping up and guzzling your morning fare (and I trust yours is as juicy and tasty as mine), simply whizz right round the sofa, pressing your chops to the sides, first in one direction and then the other. Ditto for armchairs etc., although the sofa is the best!

To complete your toilette, dog mattresses have handy outer cushions to push your muzzle in, completing the job to everyone's satisfaction.

Dog-bed cushions ideal for muzzle-wiping

Ignore the shouts and groans of your attendants: they are simply showing you how much they love you.

       Click on video to see me at work cleaning my chops

Gourmet Every Day

Our Live-In Chef

the raw materials

One of our attendants takes care of all the canine catering at Le Ripe. I must admit he's conscientious, generous with the portions and aware that we prefer chunky bits to mush.

not mad about veg, but pumpkin is nice

To thank him for his service, this post is dedicated to his weekly preparation of our favourite meal, breakfast. 

The Leveret and Us

 Frustrated by the attendants yet again

It's really annoying.

Clio found this tiny hare, I heard it's called a leveret, in the long grass in the orchard.

She was playing with it I think, but the leveret didn't want to play. It was screaming. I heard the screaming and went bounding over to the orchard to inspect. 

Unfortunately one of our attendants was nearby and heard it too. 

Now the one screaming was our attendant. Just as I reached Clio, spotted the prize and picked it up in my mouth she raced over like crazy whirling her arms and screeching at me to Drop It Argo!

Naturally I bounded off with the leveret in my mouth. It screamed some more, so there was this thing in my mouth screaming and my attendant, chasing after me, also screaming.

I decided to cut my losses. It's not worth agitating the attendants too much. If she wanted the leveret, she could have it. I dropped it and loped off to a safe distance in case she was going to punish me.

But she wasn't interested in me once she picked up the tiny creature with its ears flattened on its back, its tiny tail tucked in behind and its long paws splayed on the ground.